Sling Diaries- Transformation

Sling Diaries- Transformation

I can’t believe I’m at the end of this Sling Diaries journey! The last 6 months of writing and really getting out of my comfort zone in terms of what I normally share in this space have been so liberating, terrifying and therapeutic. I thank you, dear readers, for following along, and for letting me share this wonderful project with you. (Check out my first 5 entries on Celebration, Heath, Ambition, Community, and Laughter.)

New Years Eve 2013. I was hugely pregnant with a few weeks until my due date, it was freezing and icy, and also my younger sister’s 21st birthday. I wanted to be festive, do something special, while also paying attention to the huge pull I’d been feeling lately. The pull to go home. To put on some cozy pajamas and just sit quietly with Andy. No muss, no fuss, just quiet. Homey. I’d been feeling it for awhile, really ever since I got pregnant with Hugo, but this was the night that it really clicked in how much I’d changed. We made it out for an early dinner, rode the subway home at 9 PM along with all the people headed to their various parties, and were cuddled on the couch ready to pass out by 10. It was perfect. I had changed.

Between that night and now, almost 2 years later, I have witnessed myself going through an epic transformation. The girl who used to find joy in wandering the streets of New York alone and people watching from a park bench, now wanders with a little boy in tow, finding joy in his every discovery of the world around him.

The girl who used to move mountains to make it to every game night, dinner on the town and late night karaoke session now is really Ok missing out, and knowing she can’t possibly make every get together anymore, knowing that her time is needed at home with family.

That’s me. Still the same person, but with new skin it seems. The same eager, ambitious, happy girl- in a less put together get up, with bigger bags under my eyes, and a few more smile lines. I’m Ok with this. I wanted this. I love the change that I have seen in my life the last 2 years. I feel whole, fulfilled and complete. My role as a mother was the one missing piece in completing who I am.

Sling Diaries- Transformation
Sling Diaries- Transformation

I am scared to go through it all again. I feel overwhelmed and emotional at the thought of truly starting over, yes with more knowledge under my belt, but also a will-be 2 year old who I know will need me just as much then as he does now. Am I crazy? How will I survive? How can I love another baby when my heart feels full to it’s capacity with love for Hugo? These thoughts go through my mind every day. I know it’s been done…I mean I look at my Mother who had and loved 5 children, and all my friends with 2 or even 3 kids. I know the love will come. I know my arms can hold them both, and that we’ll adapt, and adjust and change. I trust in all of this, but for now am letting myself feel how I feel: terrified, grateful, happy and sad at the same time.

The first thing I did when I found out that one baby will soon be two babies was to hug my sweet Hugo and cry, knowing he wouldn’t be my baby forever even though desperately wanting him to be. I know he will be the most wonderful brother. He already lifts my shirt and gives my belly sweet kisses any chance he can get. I know he will be patient and also maybe jealous and possibly not. This will change our family so much, but I want our love to keep growing, to hold a teeny newborn again, and to experience the joy and challenges of labor.  Every bit of change coming into our lives is a huge blessing- and I welcome it, with everything I’m feeling- positive or negative. I welcome it.

Sling Diaries- Transformation

Sling Diaries- Transformation

Sling Diaries- TransformationSling Diaries- Transformation

It seemed so fitting to share this news with you today, almost 13 weeks along and finally on the upswing of what was a truly brutal 1st trimester. (Maybe my lack of food related posts will now finally make sense?) On the subject of change, how different is pregnancy with a needy toddler at your heels? I wish I’d known to cherish those leisurely naps last time around….

I can’t think of a more perfect way to end this journey- with the start of a new one. (Can I just tell you the pure excitement I feel about getting to wear a newborn in a sling? Nothing sounds more wonderful. )

Thank you Sakura Bloom for this wonderful opportunity. In these photos I’m wearing Hugo in the sling Praline from their Chambray collection.

Photos by: Nadia Quinn


  1. This is exciting news!! Being the mother of only one, I have no advice for you, other than to cherish every moment. And that picture of you and Hugo kissing???? My heart exploded. Congratulations to all of you!!

  2. oh my gosh!!! Congratulations! I’ve been thinking of you a lot lately and this is clearly why! So happy for you and your family!

  3. Yay!!! Congratulations, Audra!!! Such an exciting time for you + your family. Family is definitely what life is all about. I plan on spending the winter making lots more of your recipes with mine! :) xoxo

  4. Oh my goodness! I rarely comment, and barely have time to read blogs anymore with a little one of my own (can’t believe he just turned 1!), but I had to pop in and congratulate you on the news!!! I love reading your posts related to motherhood, and your little Hugo is just the cutest. What a good big brother he will be :) Congrats again!

  5. Congratulations! I’ve loved reading all of your entries over the past 6 months and this one is the perfect icing on the cake. I relate to everything you say in it, and having just given birth to my second, with a 17 month old in tow, I can say that while it’s not easy, it is certainly worth it! Enjoy your pregnancy and do get as many naps in as you can – I found it super therapeutic and energizing to spend a couple of hours a day just cuddling my toddler.

    1. Congrats on baby #2 Jade! I really need to get better at napping. I find that during Hugo’s nap time I have so many ME things I want to do you know? Ok. going to try to convince myself to lay down with him now :)

  6. Oh Audra how exciting! Congratulations! You did a great job hiding this exciting news for 13 weeks! All our 3 “twenty something” year olds are best friends and it all started where you are now. Hugo will be such a little helper and you’ll still find time to spend alone time with each one, the beauty of having a spouse who wants the same thing! Enjoy every minute, and I can’t wait to see new baby bump photos!!

  7. Congratulations! Cherish every moment as being a mom of one. Adding the second is wonderful but it is so different than the first and so much more exhausting! Taking care of the new baby is a piece of cake. Taking care of a toddler and a baby is quite the challenge!

  8. Aw Congratulations! You’re already such a wonderful, natural mom with Hugo, I’m sure you’ll be amazing with two little ones. More tired, but more full of love! Thank you for sharing the good news and the beautiful photos.

  9. Sincere congratulations on the pending birth of a new little one! I cannot fathom the beautiful struggle you are now championing for your family. I’m still struggling with finding balance with my first–a little girl, just two months old now–and cannot imagine adding another player to my dance card. I, however, am by no means as accomplished or driven as you (someone who I aspire to be). I hope that you have found your tribe of like-minded mommies in NYC and that you trust yourself enough to lean (heavily) on them when you need to; I have found that asking for help is a success, not a weakness. XOXOX

    1. Congrats on your baby girl! This is a hard time- 2 months is still so new to this world and I think it’s normal to still be finding your way. Routine will come with time, and things get easier, and then harder, and then easier again. xoxo

  10. Oh, Audra, this is such GREAT news!! I’m so incredibly happy for you, Andy and Hugo. I remember being pregnant with my second child and thinking like you that I could never love another baby as much as my little son. Believe me, that changes as soon as you hold that beautiful little being in your arms. I was simply amazed! I had another little boy to love. I enjoyed it so much that I did it again – this time my beautiful daughter, Allison, was born on my birthday :). What a love she was and is – her big brothers were always her protectors while they were all growing up. It’s such a joy for me to see them now – all grown with children of their own. Best of friends who live to come together every summer to spend a full week of fun, laughter and happiness with each other. My grandchildren are all crazy about each other and love being together as much as their parents. Another generation to love!

    I wish you all the best and hope that the remainder of your pregnancy is easier then the first trimester. Remember, too, that newborns usually sleep a lot which will give you and Hugo your special times together as he gets used to having a new little brother or sister. Even though we don’t know each other, Audra, you’ve always been special to me since I started reading your blog. I wish you and your beautiful little family much happiness in this new and exciting chapter of your life.

    1. Thank you so much Ginny. Your comments always brighten my day. I am so lucky to have someone like you as a reader- I really mean that. All my love- Audra

  11. Congratulations! You will be amazing. I think those same feelings flow through all of us the second time around. And again the third. ..
    I’ve really enjoyed the sling diaries. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing.

  12. Only a few words. I discovered your blog in early pregnancy, and our bellies have grown together somehow. Our kids did with the same steps .. a kind of friendship at a distance. Now we are thinking about the second child, but we’re not ready: your news is beautiful! I am so happy for you. A greeting from Florence and wishes for the new journey!

    1. Thank you so very much for the comment! You’ll know when the time is right- having a toddler at this age is such a handful sometimes I have no idea what I was thinking! :)

  13. Audra, I have a hard time finding the words, because each and every one of your SLing diaries post made me so emotional. I am not a mother yet, and still your words touch me in the deepest part of my heart. You have a wonderful way with words, conveiyng emotions and making your readers feel things, you are a true born storyteller/writer! :-)

    And now that I’m over my emotional teary-eye and bump in my throat moment let me tell you a HUGE congrats! I am so happy to read how happy motherhood and HUgo have made you, and I am sure that as you wonderfully put it your love will just grow as your family grows. Wishing you lots of joyful moments and memories with Hugo, Andy and the little one to come!! I SO love reading your personal posts, please keep them coming! :-)

    1. Stella thank you so much for your sweet comment. It means so much to hear that these posts were Ok- I struggled so much with finding the right words and also posting about something other than food. I will work on the personal posts I promise <3

  14. I’m fairly new to your blog, and as was reading your post, and you expressed your happiness, I thought, “Sounds like she’s ready for another one.” Then I read congratulations are in order! Like your mom, I was blessed with five and they have filled my life with joy along with the five they married resulting in 22 grand-kiddos! You just can’t have too many and you will adjust and feel the same happiness, plus more. They do come with a price and I’m glad you are starting to feel better.

    1. Oh wow! What a large and wonderful family you have! This is only grandbaby #2 for my parents, hopefully my kids will get tons of cousins someday. Thanks so much for commenting!

  15. So, so, so excited for you Audra! My heart aches just thinking of the possibility of having another baby because, like you, I can’t imagine loving another child as much as I love my Lars.

    Congratulations and I’m so glad you’re feeling better!

  16. Congratulations!
    One of my favorite memories (oddly) of being pregnant with a toddler is of her standing outside the bathroom door yelling ‘You’re flowing up, Mommy? You’re flowing up?’ Others are of her having conversations with my tummy before hugging and kissing it and telling it ‘goodnight’ and ‘I love you’: ‘What are you? A boy or a girl? You’re a girl, right?’ (We didn’t know, but she had that one right!)
    When the baby came I had to be careful simply because she loved her so much and displayed too much heavy duty affection! There was never a sign of real jealousy or being afraid that the baby got attention that was meant for her. She very bossily told me to nurse her sister if she was crying, and is still constantly taking care of her, playing with her, and loving her. I think getting a little sister expanded her horizons and personality in ways I never knew was possible; she became even sweeter and more generous than before. Watching them play together…it is ludicrous to me now to think that I was ever afraid that my heart would not hold enough love to pass around.
    I wish you much joy from both of your children!

    1. Thank you so much for the sweet comment! I know Hugo will do well and will just love having a playmate even if it’s rough in the beginning…

  17. Congratulations!!! I just had my second daughter in July. My oldest I’d 3 1/2. I went through all the same emotions as you. How could I possibly love another baby as much as my first? Feeling guilty that she will no longer be the center of our world, feeling guilty hat the new baby wouldn’t get the same one-on-one attention as her sister. But things just fall into place. Now at two months we are kind of getting the hang of being a family of four: and we barely remember what life was like before her. Enjoy your pregnancy and rest when you an – it’s definitely more of a challenge being pregnant with a toddler running around!!

  18. Congrats! I just read the news (I’m behind apparently!), and I’m excited for your growing family. Strangely enough, our boys are roughly the same age, and I’m due with our 2nd baby in March 2016! I’ll definitely have to keep reading and relating now! Plus your recipes are always ridiculously good!

  19. Yay!!! This is too funny. We are both pregnant at the same time again!!! Congratulations! So excited for your little family to grow! I share your feelings of nervousness and excitement. I’m excited to see the sibling relationships develop but also super nervous about not being able to split myself in two to make sure my little Andy doesn’t feel left out.

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